What We Wish We Could Tell You. 3 Tips To Better Understand Your Partners Anxiety.
- David Thul
- Jul 29, 2019
- 4 min read
There you are, getting frustrated with your partner because they just can't stop thinking about their health, money, your relationship and everything else under the sun. You really can't understand why they can't just move past it. Perhaps you are here because your partner can't be out in public, drive a car, or get on an airplane without having a panic attack. Maybe you’re here to better understand what your partner is going through.
First I want to personally thank you for taking the time to learn more about anxiety and how it affects your partner. We anxiety sufferers often feel like others don't understand what we are going through and it can actually make us feel more anxious! So grab your favorite drink, snack, soft cuddly puppy, or heck, even all three, and have a seat. Listed below are my top three things I want the world to know about anxiety.
1. “Just stop thinking about it!”
This is the number one thing we hear from our loved ones. Personally I, as I am sure other suffers, wish it were that easy. Asking us to just stop thinking about it is like asking a wedding photographer to take pictures of your wedding without a camera. Just like the camera is a part of the photographer, our anxiety is a part of us. We end up thinking about it even more! Let me break it down like this for you. People that suffer from anxiety have a very sensitive nervous system. When something stresses us out our nervous system tells us that we are not allowed to stop thinking about it. We think about it until we explode!
2. Why we need to be alone after work.
Some of us that work with the general public find that after a long day at work all we want to do is come home for some alone time. We spend all day on high alert, worried that our anxiety will kick in at any moment. Have you worked retail? Good, so you understand where I'm coming from. Being around people can be very draining for us because we fear having a full-on meltdown in front of others. It mentally and physically drains us. So the next time your partner comes home and heads straight for the bedroom, or draws a warm relaxing bath, just let them know you are there for them and give them a little space.
3. Something easy for you could be very difficult for us.
One thing I have heard countless time is, “You're making such a big deal out of something so small”!
Whether it be driving down the street, boarding an airplane, going to the mall or heck even the grocery store, it could literally mean life or death for us, at least that's what our anxiety tells us. Let's use boarding an airplane as an example. Boarding a plane is easy for most and goes something like this...park the car, check your bags, buy your signature 14 1/2 pump ultra awesome mocha skinny latte hold the foam coffee from a national coffee chain, greet the person at the gate checking your ticket, board the plane, find your seat and begin thinking about whatever it is that you will be doing when you land.
Let’s now step into the mind of an anxiety sufferer. Ours goes something like this (keep in mind that this is example goes from the trip to the airport, all the way to boarding the plane. “What if the plane crashes?” “Oh god, why does my body feel weird?” “My hands are tingling…oh no." “ You need to get yourself under control. People will think you are crazy.” “Stop shaking. Take a breath. You’re fine." “Oh no, I'm starting to shake again, these people probably think I'm crazy. What if they think I'm on something? What if they detain me? “Look at all these people crammed in here. Is there enough air? What if I have a medical emergency in the air and we can't land fast enough? I'm going to die. I can't do this. My legs feel weak, I feel like I am going to faint. I'm going to make a fool out of myself.
As you can see, there is a HUGE difference between these two examples. You can take the way we think in this scenario and apply it to just about any other experience in life. Here’s the best part though, when we look to our partner for support and we hear “You're making such a big deal out of nothing”, we feel unheard. We feel unloved that you don't understand us and how hard this is for us. All we need is some reassurance that everything is going to be ok, even if it’s the 10th time you’ve said it.
Here is the biggest piece of advice I can give you: just listen. Listen to us, even if it is the 50th time you’ve heard it. It is real for us and we really need your support.
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